Her side of the bed…

April 25, 2010 at 11:29 am (Uncategorized)

I haven’t been sleeping well lately. Maybe it is because my husband hasn’t been sleeping in the bed with me. To tell you the truth it isn’t a new think. He is a night owl and with his back problems, he is often up until 4 or 5 in the morning. But the minute he crawls into bed with me, I wake up. It feels like a stranger is there. He doesn’t lay next to me. He lays as far from me as possible. If he touches me at all, it is his knees, and they are in the middle of my back. Or maybe they are his feet that might accidently brush mine. If he calls for anyone, it is for the dog to lick the oil from his back… I long to be held at night. I know it hurts him and for that I feel selfish, but I can’t help how I feel. There have been one or two times I have caught myself with tears in my eyes after he has climbed into bed when he is on his side and I am on mine. Sometimes I will cuddle up to him only tp have him push off with complaints of how hot he is… So it is just easier to just get up and start my day… For now at least, rather than be two strangers sharing one bed.

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Waiting

April 24, 2010 at 3:22 am (Uncategorized)

That’s what I’m doing… Sitting, Waiting, Wishing… Thoughts just wondering what to do next. What is going on and where things are going… And then I look down to see if any word has come through… But nothing right now… Guess it is back to the real world to me…

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damaged goods

April 18, 2010 at 9:50 pm (Uncategorized)

Aren’t we all damaged in one way or another. Haven’t we all has some incident in our past effect us in some way that we forever changed some way that we act or think or feel about ourselves? I know that I have had quite a few and as a result I cannot look in the mirror and like what I see looking back at me. There are some days that are better than others. Some days I can look and see a slight glimmer of hope for the girl who is staring back at me. But most days I look and see a fat little punta who deserves all the hardships that are coming her way….

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